Chemistry Crap.

What would have happened if I never took this course? Would I be happier? Or would I be more miserable than I am today? I wonder…

If I hadn’t took up Nursing. I probably would have never encountered chemistry, AGAIN. (Since I took it up in high school which I also flunked—but not this flunked)
What is it about chemistry that makes me want to quit school and run away? I really don’t know. Actually, I’m lying. I think I do. But it’s not enough. So why make it a big deal? Because I hate it, end of discussion.

Chemistry is no doubt a difficult BS that’s a branch of Science pertaining to the study of changes in matter, elements, chemicals and such…

I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ll fucking fail chemistry, I mean it. “I’ll fucking fail chemistry”. And no, I’m not being a goddamned pessimist, I’m just being realistic. The data doesn’t process in my head. It just passes by and evaporate somewhere along the neurons in my brain. Often times I’ve asked for help, often times my helpers would say, “Yeah, sure after blah, blah, blah…” and I’m like… “Okay, yeah. Sure.”
(Why don’t you just tell me to fuck off and not bug you cause you got better shit to do than teach someone ignorant and dumb as me? Huh?) Why the F do you have to get my hopes up? I mean, if you don’t want to… Or your busy, don’t keep me depending on you. I depend on people. It’s what I do. It fucking sucks most of the time. But I can’t help myself. It’s my fault that I do. It’s my curse. But it’s your fault why I don’t like you, because you toy with my weakness.

Why do I just want to run away and hide when I meet my chemistry teacher every Wednesdays and Fridays? Because I know she’ll fail me—what the hell is my problem? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I just bloody study, to get it? (Allow me to answer myself) Because I’m not one to study something I don’t like. I mean, sure, I’ll try to go through with it, get by it if I’m lucky. But that’s all I’ll do. Put it to fate’s hand if I pass or not. I mean, that’s what it’s all about right? Getting lucky… chances?
But in chemistry I don’t get these kinds of chances... or choices. I can’t put it in my head because automatically my head discards the idea reflexively. I’m not shitting with you. It won’t function during chemistry. I just end up doodling on my notebook and calculator.
If I don’t like something, I can’t try to like it. Because forcing myself to like it, affects my whole system. My efferent neurons don’t have that much of ass kicking power to function whatever it is my afferent neurons command. It’s just me. And I need an F-ing psychiatrist or therapist, whichever of the two would do. Thanks much.

There you have it. How I manage to handle the 3 hours of chemistry lecture and 3 hours of chemistry lab. in my every week during Wednesdays and Fridays.

I’m a walking, talking, breathing, and eating person that’s not at all living.
Welcome to my college nightmare.